Shrinking.

A craving for craziness.. Color it turquoise.
A need for change... But not you.
A new addiction.... to thoughts.

Close your eyes and breathe. Families talk to you, you listen. People think chaos exist within them. Wish you could say its true. But you are no healer, you have no power. So you listen. You learn. You absorb.

Now its soaking. The mug is filled and overflowing. You feel like choking. Breathe.

Who says you can't go away? I can make you, ask you or simply tell you. Go back to your world, dear friend. Free yourself from misery and drift away. You are right in everything you say. What you see maybe true, but i cannot choose to believe it. I shall sit by your side and listen. I shall agree and you shall even surprise me and make me smile. You make me curious, you amuse me.

A much needed break - from life and things. To go away far where nobody knows you and calls on you to listen and make choices.

An If Only moment. Danke. Reality strikes shall strike, soon. It should. It is raining on your cardboard box.

Cheers! To possible future excitement.

Abstracting.

I watch white pages turn as I think about you tonight. Questions, I can hear, falling over each other as they try to reach me. No one clear thought strikes me but they all make sense.

I sit by silently and watch strangers whisper in the darkness of the warm room. Sweet nothings and bad advice all sound the same to me tonight. I hope for me I know where im going. I hope for you that you'll know better.

Words fill my white pages tonight. You are filling your world elsewhere. I am a part of it, but merely sidelined. I play my role and stay in the back. While i sit back and watch, i realize. Dear child, I wish you had called. But we fortold our destiny and i hastily agreed. Now i settle in bed to read and sleep silently, calming my thoughts as they rise with every word i write.

Good night dear child, drink your hopeful colours. For when you come home, you will lay down your head. And dear child, we both know, in your tired dreams, we both rest well.

A Theory of sorts.

My theory. It is rooted in me. It is rooted in you. It is rooted in most of them too.

I speak from experience today. Like all other days, today has passed with many passing thoughts. One might wish it possible to write them all down.. Some may seem simply brilliant to some of us. And yet, when we do sit down to distangle the cobweb of thoughts, we have lost it among many other insignificant details.

People develop theories. They base it on scientific experiments and laws of science. They speak of the influence of variables.
I merely base it on life. My only influence are People.

The famous quote "I think, therefore I am" is indeed one to ponder upon. We are made up of our thoughts. Our thoughts are influenced by people. People are influenced by their thoughts. Which in turn is influenced by other people. It is a vicious spiral that grows into you. At the end of the day, every thinker assumes he/she thinks too much.

It is the irony of life that we question it. Since as long as we live, most of us do not find a satisfactory answer. For those of us who do, it doesn't seem worth questioning. But we shall all search, because in the end, what matters is that we searched, not whether we found the answer or not.

On a more personal note, too much is indeed too bad. It leads to a continuous rant and ends in vagueness. For now I pause, take a deep breathe as I move on to another thought...

Cheers!

Random post # 27356

A gay man, 2 transgender women, an intellectual, my senior and me.

This is the story of the National Conference. At least for me it is. Today is a day later. A day later from the 2 day national Conference on Sexuality and Psychology. A day later from the hectic running around and putting confused pieces of the conference together.

Changes. A week of it all it has been. Who knew a week was enough. A roller coaster ride from fixing laptop to small, warm birthday, to spending quality time, to random partying and then running back to hectic conference fixes, dead film reviews, intellectual conversations with gay friends with a mixture of scandalous gossip.

And there was still more for photo taking, night singing, random driver talk and trips to out of town, flirty transgender babe and Freud discussions.

A week and a day later, I can still sit and write pages about it. I only need to figure out where to begin and where to end. This post has no particular order of things. Simply because there is no particular order to life right now. Order is not the word of the year it seems. Not for me at least. I remember in PUC one of my first stories was about chaos and confusion in other people’s lives and how I loved creating those. Today I write about my own.

*******************************************

There is no life plan. It’s a wish, an imaginary feeling to make one feel better about tomorrow. Life just happens. There is no stopping it. One day im thinking how life would, no scratch that, shall be when I have this, this and this done. And the next I realize im floating down a different stream. My boat still has pieces of my fate I control, but its hidden somewhere beneath the oars that lie limp beside me. It took me a random movie to realize I need to pick up those pieces and put it in a waterproof bag. It took me some thinking to realize I can pick up those oars and give my life boat a direction. Sure the heavy waters pull me slightly off direction, but they all join the big ocean in the end. And the ocean is not the end. It’s the endless.

I tend to lose myself in the process,
But I find myself in all the mess.
I may get disillusioned on the way,
But reality shines as bright as day.
I like to get high and dream,
I watch stars as I float down my stream.
But sooner or later I sit up and think,
And life makes sure to give me a hint.

Cheers.

New Year randomness

So its a New Year.. New times, new lines... new crimes.

A New year is like a new beginning for some, an end to things for some... and just a passing experience for most.

Life experiences are always good... Sometimes people learn from it.

Decisions are tough to make. Especially when one is completely responsible for it and its consequences.

Bittersweet is an interesting word. Sums up life so perfectly sometimes. Its a sweet feeling with bitter edges.

There is always space in someone else's life boat. And there is always somebody in your boat. When you think you are alone, there is always somebody else at sea.

There are some topics on which you can't say anything. No words, just feelings.

**************************************************************************************
Moments under the moonlight,
Bright flashes at night.
Tagged memories,
Everybody sees.
So smile please and say cheese.

Morning's maze,
brings the blank and dazed.
Soon enough, everybody says-
Move on, not worth the wait.

Its New Year,
Drive away those fears,
move to second gear,
And just say cheers!

:)